DCF Christmas GA

"is it me or every activity is really getting better & happier, the best Christmas GA! so fun! GO DCF!!!" -- my YM msg right now.

can't really believe it. why did it take so long for me to realize that He is pruning me and i am where should i am right now. i have held many positions into different orgs, been a member both active/inactive to others, but refused to take a strong stand in my faith!

for the past three years, almost everything was with insecurities, but it is only in DCF where i found growth in many fields especially spiritually.

with the fellowship, you can really find comfort and security. whenever you are under attack spiritually, you just go back to the Cross and run to the blankets of the fellowship. there, i assure you that you will find His physical comfort manifested.

this is really true in my case, i am not really spiritually attacked as in like backsliding, but i was confused what should i really do. is it the right time? or i need to wait? this entry is a jump off from my previous blog entitled *true love waits*. true indeed, i have been enlightened that i should lead by example. i should not set a *trend* of relationships. i must stick to my conviction of, with God in motivation, ministry first before love. many testimonies have been broken because of romantic relationships in fellowships. many new Christians have stumbled because of those broken testimonies. hence, i could not afford to show that to DCF.

if you ask me, i am willing to court a girls (or even girls!) just to show that i am not anti-relationship. but i do not control my life now, it is owned by Christ when i accepted Him as my Lord and Saviour. so, i must abide by His standards. again, i am not saying that courting (and even romantic relationship) is bad, but just be sure to put it in the proper venue. your actions could lead to other people being envious and fall into pressure, which i need not say the gravity of it. this is also where many church leaders discourage romantic relationships while in the youth ministry.

this principle guides me to stay on the track of reserving into having a relationship until graduation. unless of course if you are called otherwise.

praise God for letting me win this battle. i sort of was falling into terrible confusion because of the actions and pressures from the secular world, especially if it is just near proximity. but hey, thanks to the fellowship (and especially with the GA), i felt that i do not need (well not just yet) a partner to be secured and become complete. God is already in my life, and He is enough to fill that vacuum hole that has the unique shape of Him.

thanks to the GA earlier that reminded me to remain focus of serving the ministry still and not go into impulsive courting because of the pressures from the secular world.

indeed once again i felt very blessed and happy, but this time it is without the feeling of insecurity and discomfort.

praise God!

right now, i'm thinking of posting the details of what happened during the GA, but it's like 3.45am and i hafta sleep already.

so there, thank you Lord for *physically* manifesting through DCF.

confirmation

true indeed! ever since i came to UP, i had ups and downs in my life, be it emotional, physical, spiritual, etc... we all have had experience these things.

i for one felt a blast of bliss when i was still a freshie, in the company of my blockmates, and with my orgmates when i was still a sophomore.

my third year in college was sort of in denial stage. i could not give up my *valuable stuff*, that is... given that i was debate inclined, i could not give up debsoc. given that they have been one of the first few friends i had, i could not give up on my blockmates. yet, life must move on.

right now, i am now in 4th year college... i learned to follow God. he removed from me my *attachments* to debsoc. FYI, before when i thought about the scenario that what if sometime debsoc would be gone, i would answer that i would be the first person that would be affected most. the reason of this is that, i was so engrossed to the idea that i am a member of *The UP Debate Society*, thus it makes me feel so good and i am quite a not-so common person. hence, pride exists.

God knows how to prune the branches, He is the vine. you cannot do anything when He does that but to surrender everything to Him. the thought that i considered my blockmates and my orgmates as the people that *complete* everything made Him out of the picture. surely, nobody would like to be out of the picture, especially Him. He is not a nobody, but the Great One! so, for Him to be the Centre of my life, He has to first remove the *stuff* that makes me go far from Him. there, when i entered the Society, i almost completely lost my relationship with my blockmates. and the more i was engulfed inside the Society, the more i lost my blockmates. but, even before i lost my blockmates, i already had insecurities with them. though we had fun, i still felt that that may end soon. the Society was not the real cause why i lost significant contact with my blockmates, but it just served some sort of catalyst to really alienate me from them. i was into debating, they took another path and joined and concentrated on my academic field. being in the Society made me proud, i was a new mem then and the senior members really inspired me. i really did not care that much about my blockmates anymore as long as i had the Society.

so from two attachments, i only was left with one, the Society. but then again, when i reached junior level, i felt something not nice. the comfort that i once had within the org suddenly disappeared. though i still loved the org, the insecurities made me haywire. the cliques, the competitive aura, the unfriendly ambience were so not bearable anymore. gone are the seasons of gimik days (and nights), the *kwentuhan* moments even until 10pm or as *late* as 3am, the crying times during tourneys, and the valued and cherished trust in friendships before and after classes. hence, from practically living in the tambayan to not making *tambay* anymore. this was difficult to accept at first, third year in college was really a time of suffering, longingness, confusion, and every lonely and sad feelings about insecurities swept me.

i cannot stay like this forever, i cannot see the status quo would change. i must have an action. i did not know that this was His will, after all debsoc poses direct values against my conviction, i.e., cursing, smoking, sex, backbiting, and other immoralities that always strike me whenever they make it sound very fun and in, hence you are lost because you are not doing the same things they are doing.

i really admire one alumna on how she managed to survived these things even though she's a strong believer. mind you, i believe she did not compromise, but she was not that very active in terms of participating in many org activities. probably because she was already graduating when i became a member.

moving on, fourth year came. this time, i still felt the urge to renew my application, but this tme i was already open to the idea of leaving the org. before, there was no entertaining of just even the thought of leaving the org. fine, i reaffed. from at least six active orgs since second year, i trimmed it down to just two in my senior year. DCF & DebSoc. after carefully evaluating the pros and cons, i am now ready to devote to just only one org, and that is not debsoc. though i still reaffed for my this second sem. i do not care now what my Society orgmates would think about my statements. i have already had enough of their lambasting moments. making me feel more of a liability rather than an asset. true that i am not that champion material, but i am neither a pathetic debater. at least in that sense, the concept of liabilty should not supposed to be an issue at all. after all, i did love the org and did my best to help out with it.

oh well at least right now, even if they boot me out i shall not feel any regrets or sorry's. but i still welcome the idea of them sending me off. i really do not have any angst when it comes to the Society right now, i am even happy for the accomplishments they have been raking. it's just that right now, i feel that debsoc is very far away from my heart right now. whenever i am in the tambayan, it gives me the flashbacks of insecurities again. so, i think it would be better off under low profile muna from the Society.

and take note, i am also gaining back my once lost relationship with my blockmates and batchmates. but this time, i already have a focus, Him!

God really forsees everything...

with that, i feel secured :)

praise Him...

thank you very much my Lord for the cantata

since i have been pressured by the nth time to conform to the norms of this world, i really must run away from it and find comfort with Him and other believers.

yesterday was really a very crucial time for me, as in like super! super pressured... my roommate made me feel that it was cool to be in love and just go for it.

FYI, i have been consistently inspired my uncle and my parents that it would really be better to do with that love life after graduation in college, so many reasons were given but the principle is the same.

so, i made it to the point of not really suppressing the feeling, but making sure of it before making it a serious one... hence, i am still a proud member of NGBSB (No Girlfriend/Boyfriend Since Birth). i have set my priorites straight.

but that priority was tested and i even got confused which is which... so there, i was YMing with an orgmate until 3am! i know i was confident that it was another one of those pressure moments, but i really almost fell for it.

good thing there was an activity of my former church the next day. it was cantata. i was really looking forward to it. partially because of the activity as a whole (the music, dances, FOOD, everything!), but more because that i really wanted to be in the fellowship of other believers as well... these are the people who have at least the basic understanding of Him, and there are also many who are that really deeply rooted to His Word.

so, God was again so gracious to me. He made me feel that my citizenship is not here but in heaven... hey that means that i should maintain His strict moral standards and not be persuaded by the alluring secular world.

there, i have forgotten about the pressure stage, i mean right there and there, i felt that i was winning the battle against this test. i was blessed by our fellowship, they continually reminded me that they are still there to continue in running the race, and committed to finishing it!

God is really so sovereign. i then realized that i should not fall or just even be bothered by the actions of other non-believers. instead, if there is a need to rebuke, then do so but with compassion. i am not into rebuking my roommate right now, i mean if i were to ask, he should start praying for that girl. but what i know is that i must continue with God's plan, and i believe that He does not will me to be in a relationship yet. it would be very unfair to all parties (mine, special someone, and most especially to God), if i just continue with my own futile will. He knows everything and i should just let Him do with His plans, for i know He is my God who never allows me to be hopelessly engulfed by the enemy.

i shall post later what transpired during the cantata, and the many as in like MANY exciting moments.

so there, just watch out for my next post...

praise God to the fullest!

true love waits!

"i am not looking for love, i just wait for it" -sam

such words coming from someone who is not a professing Christian! if a non-believer can such have a strong conviction (though i do not know what's his motivation), why can't i?!?

in this secular world, many Christians go backslide because of the temptation and doings of the enemy. he places norms which are directly (implicitly or explicitly) against the orders of the Almighty. examples are corruption, deceit, dishonesty, etc... but i shall focus on one of the three things that the Scriptures say will remain forever - the ever loyal *love*.

i am a professing member of NGBSB or No Girlfriend/Boyfriend Since Birth. i am not ashamed of it. extreme pressure cannot be denied especially among people in our year bracket (teenagers and young adults, 13-25). i too have faced and still am facing this challenge. if i were not a Christian and consequently no strong convictions, i can honestly say, i would have also fallen for it.

ever since i reached puberty level, i always have a sphere of influence that has people belonging to the NGBSB, yet there are also those who have already had their firsts. i am not a psych or bio major, or any other fields that study human behavior, so i cannot say WHEN people DO REALLY FALL IN LOVE.

but i can say, that i have been standing by the test of this feeling. i do not really know when someone feels *true love*. some say you are in love when you always think of that person and could not let even a single second pass not thinking of that person. others say that you have a sense of aphrodisiac when you are with that special someone. the subjectivity of this feeling is the danger of it.

disclaimer, i am not saying having crushes is wrong. i have had many already. it is just some people court other people because they are PRESSURED. like you are the only one in your circle who has no partner, or one of your friends has a relationship with someone already, thus you feel the need to have one also.

aside from the fear of rejection (in layman's term, fear of being *busted*) and the focus of being ready (financially, emotionally, spiritually, etc), the preceding statements guide me.

it would be not fair for your part, and especially VERY UNFAIR for the part of the girl (or boy for girls), if you just court her because you just *want* to. worse is when you do it because of peer pressure and envy, in other words conformity to what you see and feel.

these are just many of the reasons why i do not like to pursue in courting somebody. she is really, if i am not mistaken, THE ONE that i have felt something very special. i noticed her since i was a sophomore in the tertiary level, and now we are already seniors, that feeling did not much significantly diminished. compared to other girls that i had *kilig moments*. some of them i consider , my sister or niece if you will.

this situation begs for something that is not feeling-based. after all, that emotion can last for just days, weeks, months, or even years. but at the end, you are not deemed for each other. this is what i would like to avoid --- courting just because i wanna know how it feels and i do not care if we are really not meant for each other.

with this, i found the advice if kuya caloy to be very helpful... that is to pray for that *special someone*. let Him speak whether or not you are for each other. this is the Christian way... this is what separates us from the secular world. some people do it because of the emotion they feel momentarily, but as time goes by they find somebody else. dump that person, they do not care. this is where waiting and prayer comes into the pictue. we Christians should not do it for just the hang of it. we should do it because we believe that God has somebody in store for us that everything shall go well according to His plans.

we Christians should fight that feeling of jelousy and momentary emotion. sure, we have many crushes, this includes me, but we should not take it to the next level if we Christians do not seem to find it coherent with what the Word of God says! let us Christians shape the world, not the other way around. let us always remember that bandwagons follow, they do not lead!

Christians have high moral standards, and have something different that many people can see conspicuously, hence, there should be no reason why we could not lead! one of the things we could do this leading is by letting others know and see that we are strong in our convictions and not let the secular world (no matter how pleasurable it may seem) rule over us.

remember that emotions come and go, but the Love of God endures FOREVER!

sing, praise... sing praise...
FOREVER God is faithful, FOREVER God is strong, FOREVER God is with us...
FOREVER... AND EVER...

career to be an usher

praise God!!!

i never thought that despite the fact that i do not attend sunday services in DCBC anymore, they still thought of making me an usher for the *cantata activity*.

i really miss DCBC. it was one of my first churches here in UP Diliman when i was still a freshie. i was a *constant* attendee then when i met an organization considered by many Christians here in UP as a *cult*. it was due to them that i got numb at the same time paranoid about the other genuine Christian organizations. there was even a time that i did not wish to attend sunday services anymore because i feared that i might fall again to another wrong group.

anyway, moving forward... i officially transferred to another just just last june, but i was already not attending DCBC sunset since november of last year.

right now, i really feel grateful since DCBC still makes me feel one of the members. FYI, i signed-up as an associate (not full) member of DCBC and even got baptized there. so, it was really not easy to let go and transfer to another church.

so there, just to show my appreciation of the times that i have been there and even during these times which by the way they still welcome me, i shall be glad to serve as an usher for the cantata.

what to wear? since the outfit should be ALL black, i'm planning to wear my turtle-neck long sleeve and my leather sandals, my only problem is the lower garment. i have two choices but i do not feel in wearing either of them. oh well, i just have to look for *black slacks*.

so there, this is it. i would like to return back to DCBC, at least in this little way, the services and the time that i was still an active member.

Praise God!!!