my blog goes public

you know what...

i have made a blog to be a venue of angst and lessons that happen in my daily life.

but i completely disregarded the notion of whatever is in the internet opens it to the public already.

the day that i was scared finally happened, that is that my blog would be found out. being a compsci myself, i challenged my roommate who is also a compsci to find my blog. well, i should be happy that he did find it out except for the mere fact that i let him saw parts of my blog. he caught the keyword "in faith". and the rest is history. in fairness to my best friend google, you have done it again :)

FYI, somebody has already discovered my blog long ago. i sent her a printscreen pic of my blog (profile details were hidden) and she was able to trace the url of the file. but she immediately flushed all the details of the blog... ie cleared history, etc.

oh well, guess this has to be the end of my private blog days... it makes no relevance if i continue to hide this knowing that it has been found already.

i am just thankful that the secrets in this blog are not controversial. instead, the entries here are just plain praise and prayer items. thank God for everything!

so there, enjoy reading my posts... especially the posts of the private blog days :)

mas masaya yun, you will know me better, unedited and i have not deleted any posts :D

living life day by day in faith always...

--> lg

to be forgotten day

i really cannot believe it...

how bad can your day get? i was awaken by a text that stirred my emotion.

-instance 1-

it was december when an orgmate asked me a favor if she can borrow a water heater to be used in her another org.

the being kind in me agreed and asked a dormmate if i can borrow his heater. he lent with a caution that it might be broken. i said don't worry.
i was not yet back in school, so i asked someone to return it back for me.
there were two heaters that were returned to the dorm. when i saw the owner of the heater, he told me that his heater was unbearable. it was so much damaged that it is practically of no aesthetic value.
i was appalled, my name was at stake there. so, i composed myself and offered to replace it. he agreed. i then told my orgmate of what happened. she suggested that the two heaters could have been switched. so, i asked the person to whom the two water heaters were given. that person assured me that the heater on their possession was really theirs. that implies that either the water heater that was returned to my dormmate was really destroyed or switched with somebody else.
either way, i still was depressed by the text message which read: *i would like to follow-up my water heater. be a responsible borrower naman *. even though that person is really not close to me, i still was saddened by the accusation that i'm an irresponsible borrower :(

-instance 2-

more than that *irresponsible borrower* statement, something worse happened.

again, i also got a text that woke me up. i missed my first class and my groupmate for the past experiments texted me that he was the only person from the group in the lab. he asked me where were the circuit design and materials for the project. i told him that i do not have a copy and that i was not in-charge of the materials. he said that he would not deny that he was angry because the one holding the design was also absent and that the in-charge of the materials said the materials were not available yet. i just replied that i would be present during the class lecture and that we would talk there. but then again, that talk made matters worse...

just a background, it was the first lab meeting of the new year. he was the only present out of the four of us in the group. so he was made to join other groups. naturally, the three of us still were groupmates plus another classmate was assigned to us for that experiment. the design problem was given the week after and that he was absent. we did not expect that this *new groupmate* still joined our group. that moment led the group into writing her name as our groupmate. this was spontaneous, it was not intended to happen. -endbackground-

i just told him that since he was absent during the day the design problem was given, somebody else took his place. of course, his feeling was anger. he told me that he was not informed about this and he walked out...

when i was back in the dorm, i was depressed of the recent turn of events. my phone rang and i got a message coming from that groupmate. i decided not to read it, but just replied something like this: "hi. i purposely did not read your last text. i know that it is in angry mode. my hands are full of depressions already and the last thing that i want to happen is to add another depressive situation. just wanna tell you that i was not in control of the situation. rest assured that i shall tell the other groupmates. for the meantime, if you need help, just ask. sorry again". he replied, but i still do not wish to read it, at least this time...

so there, i just strolled around the acad oval for an evening walk and for solitary moments, and also to withdraw some cash (i only had 30 bucks in my wallet ;p)... thinking things over on what lessons i can learn from here.

Lord, please help me during these depressing times...

antidote for certain feelings --- ACADS!!!

seems i'm not really desperate for love after all... this makes me confident that i still have a *secret* weapon against emotional pressures from the secular world!

ACADS!!!

i am scheduled to take an exam this 2.30pm... i am cutting the class before that so i can study more... i know i was not able to budget my time right that's why i retorted to this, but hey... i do not like to take any chances :)

please pray for my exam thanks!

God bless!!!

the battles wages on...

ok… i know that I said I am winning this battle. i am very confident that I am, thank you. but just some questions bugging in my mind. Whenever, you are faced with some *love sick* people, why are there times that you also share that feeling?

i really do not know… i am still a mighty member of NGBSB club. i mean, i really should not be bothered by this feeling. after all, the people within my circle are also members of this society — from my blockmates, orgmates, and other friends. i am indeed sure that I hafta wait after graduation since i have some priorities now, and they are significant priorities.

i once had a Y!M chat with my cousin who is now based in canada. they just migrated last summer. she is like 17years old. due to the atmosphere, she did have a boyfriend when she was graduating high school last academic year. when she was about to leave for that country, she made a *hard* decision, she broke up with the guy. she did not intend to do this just for fun, it was just a practical decision for at that time (1) her dad was already in canada and they were still here in the philippines, meaning no one was really that very protective to guide her and; (2) long-distance relationship is difficult.

right now, her former boyfriend has already a new girlfriend, but according to the perspective of my cousin, the new girlfriend is just a *panakip-butas*. whether or not this statement is true, i still was struck by her follow-up statement… *kuya, if only i was a get-them-all girl, i really would have filled a basket*. she refused to follow suit… that is, get another boyfriend to move on. for now, my cousin has learned her lesson, you must wait and never give in to an uncertain feeling.

being a Christian entails bigger accountability. the world offers so much *kilig* feeling that you can most easily give in to that feeling. like, there are so many stray girls there that you can easily play with their feelings. but you know you should not use them just to fill that *unique* hole in your hypothalamus (heart in layman’s term). this hole vacuums a lot that you would certainly look for other people. some join fraternities, some get into relationships… this is just to fill that unique-shaped hole. what is bad is that you are just draining the people that you think can fill that vacuum. in the end, it’s a loss-loss scenario… you lost because those people cannot fill that vacuum, and they lost because you drained them (emotionally, physically, mentally, etc.).

this is really a war, we can say that we are winning battles after battles… but we should not just aim in winning the battles, instead we should aim in winning this war. i at times really guard my feelings whenever scenarios that involve *go for it even if you are not sure that she is the one* scenarios. that scenarios implies self-centrism which is really bad. Let Him be the Centre of your life, let Him fill that vacuum for He is infinitely powerful. we can love, because He first loved us. that is why it is just proper to give Him back what He deserves… praise Him, honor Him, worship Him, obey Him…
this is, my friends, the secret of winning this war. this war (for those who are not called to be celibate) will only end after you have settled down with the right person that you prayed for.

my friends, this is a war that rages even daily, i too am still fighting in this war… i am winning battles after battles… but i must admit that sometimes i am near being defeated… i then just go back to the Cross and ask for the strong support — the love of Christ. it is then i can continue to fight together with my brothers and sisters in the faith.

let us pray for each other that we may always be strong loyal warriors in every battle. again, my brothers and sisters in Christ, He is strong when we are weak… let’s continue this fight and win it!