being a computer science student here in UP Diliman gave me a fright when i was still a freshie.
many people say, especially the upperclassmen, that surviving this course is like passing through a needle hole.
coming from a competitive high school in a local setting, many of my schoolmates have the attitude of achieving anything. i guess this syndrome, also infected me. i really did not care what would other people say. what i believe that is that everything will be a breeze if you just do your part plus a little of the talent. translation: 1% inspiration & 99% perspiration.
i could not forget my very first long exam here in UP. it was math17. because it was the very first, it is difficult to forget. this exam was where i had my esteem and theory boostered. man, this is UP! you are competing with valedictorians and salutatorians and the cream of the crops, not just in a local setting, but in the whole Philippines.
there, results were out. our instructor, Ms. Eclevia, said something like this: "
here are your results. your highest is... (looking for the highest score) ... ano ba to? 96 lang?!" i personally was shocked, what did she mean by that. anyway, she gave the paper to the exam topnotcher... she called out the name... "
uhmm... ....", she said. i was shocked, i mean that was my name! when i got my paper, i got 96% indeed! blood rush! i could not believe it. i was one of the three topnotchers of that exam. i mean, i really praised God and everything... but, the thought of being the highest went into my head. i thought that my level is at par with the best among the best. dreams were already floating in my head.
flash forward: many exams have been taken; flunking, passing, sometimes topnotching were the results... however, one could think that at the end, how did you fare? do you manage to graduate with honors and the like?
before my batch came into the picture, compsci was a course that everybody thought has a high mortality rate. meaning, undergrad students had in their minds of how to graduate, especially on time. but in our batch, it is more of
i must graduate WITH honors! this already precludes the notion of just figuring how to graduate.
this is momentum change (or with the title, breaking conventions).
a lot of people, including some faculty of our department, have commented that our batch is GC (Grade Conscious). we are expecting 4-6 magna cum laudes and many, as in like i'm not kidding, floods of laudes. graduating people as of the last semester of batch 2002 ranges from 30-40 people. this is a far cry from only 16-22 average graduates of the cs program!
3 of my blockmates are leading the pack of magna standing. many also of my non-blockmates are laude standing. hence, this challenges many of my blockmates! i have one blockmate that, i think, is excreting blood, sweat, and tears just to get everything, as in like almost every remaining subjects, 1.0.
though i consider myself inherently an achiever, i must also aim to have everything 1.0, even if i do not land as any of the laude, assuming God allows me to indeed graduate on time with them.
i really did try to be competitive. this is also because of our environment. but however i try to put it, i cannot achieve that goal. there is always something that comes into the picture. there are times wherein i am on the fly, meaning landing for a 1.0, but suddenly i have to do something or just i all of a sudden becomes lazy. this ends in a depressing low grade, if not devastating results! recently, i expected to get five 1.0's out of 6. this is not ambitious, after all 4 of them are just *masteral* subjects. indeed, before the midterms i was on track. but suddenly, i fell very short, as in like very short even as low as 2.5; from 1.0 to 2.5 is very disappointing.
but looking back, i just praise God that he humbled me more than i could have ever imagined! He is really a faithful God because even during the times of humbling moments, He does not forget to extend His gracious hands. He could have let me go on alone, for i am really just a dirty rag unto His feet. but when i thought that everything was over and disaster was imenent, He goes to the rescue and saves the day. i really cannot forget the cs32 and cs155 moments among others. all praises should go to Him. even i was trying to survive my way out of those subjects, my blockmates are already relaxing with their 1.0's. i should feel *envy* or that kind, but thanks to Him, i am assured that i am already relaxing in His presence. indeed, i just always return back to the Scripture and say to myself: try not to conform to the standards of humanity (
translation:
envy), but just think that God has plans for you and everything has a reason (
i also just take on the comforting words that, grades just matter on the onset. after sometime, years maybe, they shall be superceded by experience and how you manage your career (i am abiding in Him in this arena). though that flood of laude graduates (40 to be not conservative) is a real threat when it comes to the job market, i shall continue to rely on Him and be my strength and comfort when everything seems to be not working well.
for now, i just think of finishing that remaining 15 units left. all are fresh subjects for me. no retakes or whatsoever. so please pray that i shall finish them all with God's grace.
thank you... God bless.
