did not go that well

oh well, good thing there is still a bug in blogger, my post last november 7 entitled *moving on* was not published. but if it had been, there was a hanging issue about talking to my new roommate. he is a sophomore economics student. he should have a higher year right now, if it were not for the operation for the sickness he has that made him out of school for a year or so.

anyway, when i first met him, i gave him the *hello, how are you* friendly attitude and smile. this is despite the fact that i am not the *hi, hello* friendly that much person. but since, i supposed that i could be compelled to share the room with that person, i had to do it. don't get me wrong, i also did the *hello, how are you* friendly attitude and smile to my other new roommates. the two responded positively. i was also hoping that this econ major would do the same. when we first met during the morning, it was a OK acquaintance. meaning, *oh, hi. i am <> 4th year what's your province?* *i am a sophomore econ student from QC*, went well. on the evening,my other roommate & i did our normal dota galore. i must admit that it was like 12 or 1am then, this econ sophomore then blurted out with much arrogance and pressure... *sorry ha? di kasi ako makakatulog, eh. lilipat ako ng room bukas. bukas na talaga... kakausapin ko si ma'am. di kasi ako makatulog eh.* fine! we admit that we did wrong, hence our cool heads prevailed and we immediately apologized.but he still kept blurting out *di kasi ako makatulog eh, lilipat na ako ng room. bukas talaga*. i was in a state of shock. this was the first time that it happened to me. for four years i have been staying in a dormitory, this was the most confronting incident i faced. i never went into war, much more vocal confronting war with a roommate. all more than 20 roommates i had and have and this was the first time i got this was the worst treatment i had so far, ever!

ok, if i was not a Christian... this would be my reply: *you know what, i have been in this dorm for 3 years now, and you... like just more than a semester and you had this kind of attitude. who are you anyway and who give you the right to just lambast people with your intolerant attitude? you cannot go far from this dormitory should that attitide persist. you are in a communal place man. here respect begets respect. but sorry, i lost ALL my repect towards you simply because of that incident. i pity you because only respect is the key for me to grant favors and requests from other people. and there are only two ways to make me show that respect. i must like(better yet, love) or fear you. surely fearing is out of the option, for i am a person of a meek but a palaban attitude. i let my pride down, but if it already asks for beyond more than my threshold, i fight back. that leaves only like as the key to make me respect you, but again because of that attitude, dream on! pack your things up, and transfer to another room. i would even glad to help you. let's see if you stay for quite a time. i advice you to better yet leave communal living if you expect people to respect you without you showing some respect!*

in tagalog, madali lang kasi akong kausap. in fact, many people say that i am good at it. you can talk with me many things including favors and requests. i mean instead of shouting, why won't you just say *can you guys please lower it down, i don't mean anything but i just cannot sleep*. if that was the case, well i would not waste a second and immediately grant your request. for crying out loud! that was our first night together as roommates, how in earth would i know that you cannot sleep with that petty disturbance without someone telling me, you know what you are that someone who should best tell me that your weaknesses when it comes to sleeping! transfer to other rooms and i do not know if you could survive. you are lucky since those bullish fratmen are no longer here else, sorry to say, but you would be always in the brink of becoming insane.

after the two of us asked forgiveness that night, he also said his sorries the afternoon the day after. this is where my problem is, i can easily forgive. i have no angst against him, no thought of revenge, or any malicious and malevolent ideas. but, i cannot easily forget. true indeed that to forgive & to forget are two different entities, but i really want to forget what happened so that we could talk and go on with our lives.

after many days of not talking with him, he called ny attention by saying in an irking manner *LG, ano ba talaga problema mo sa akin. sabihin mo na para malaman ko rin*. boy, this guy really does not know how to be more non-confronting. so, i retorted *i do not wish to talk to you right now. do not compel me, the memory is still fresh. i do not want emotions to rule over against logic. things might get bloodier and worse than the status quo. in time, maybe we can talk, but not now.*

pordat! we still do not talk even up to now. i cannot really forget that even. maybe because that was the worst thing that transpired so far. traumatic indeed! when i see his face, i forgive him. but the memories rushingly always come back and the feeling of NO respect to that guy replaces sympathy.

oh well, Lord i give up what happened. though i forgive, but i cannot forget. i know that i must strive to forget it, but i really cannot do it without You. please God, help me to forget this event so we can already talk and move on with You still on my side.