and the journey continues...

oh yeah!

2007-06-21T13:48:00.000+08:00

after what seemed like 7823629512375623523 times of both solicited and unsolicited (explicit or subtle) prodding from practically everyone i know, i have been starting to save since june (my 1year self-imposed splurging has already elapsed)

i never thought i would have fun while being thrifty at the same time... i'm really enjoying my youth --- without being materialistic, aha!

=============================

knowing myself, i rarely (read: never) care about people having the same birthday as mine... fact, i even sometimes - fine, many times - forget about greeting others during their birthdays. heck, i even at times forget to greet my uncle and the brother of my grandfather despite the fact that we have the same birthday! if i happened to greet you, i then must have a *great* reason to have done so :)

much more to the entertainment industry. people having their birthday during april 24th include (fictional character) Charlie Andrews of Heroes. ok, obviously i am a geek knowing this mundane character's birthday (implying i don't not like heroes ;p). of all 365 (or 366 during leap year) days, she --- or aptly, the creators --- chose april 24th. but, who cares right? i don't.

what did not escape my attention though was Tyson Ritter of the All-American Rejects. i'm not really the hard core rocker type --- me? hardcore rocker, come on! --- but i do like the genre (with the likes of Dashboard Confessional, The Fray, Snow Patrol, etc.) of the music they play especially It Ends Tonight. uhmmm... i also selectively listen to secular music, hehehe. actually, when that song landed number 1 in a particular tophits countdown, i downloaded and even kept a softcopy of the said video in my harddrive.

small world, or is it really? the band made a guest appearance in one of the *many* series i watch, Smallville season 6 episode 3 playing this song. more over, not with the rest of the band, but Tyson again appeared as himself in another one of my favorite series, House season 3 episode 17.

and lo and behold, of all birthdays, he has the same as mine! exactly april 24th, but just a year earlier. even if i hate his junkie and bulimic appearance (hey, i could even close my eyes and just opt to listen to the music, haha), me having weird and very selective likes of songs do like some of the songs from this band (well, at least this particular song). mind you, it's not just because he has the same birthday as mine --- i don't care, remember?

imagine if i had continued with those drumming lessons and further polished my keyboard/piano *skills*, then proceeded to playing the guitar/bass, then maybe even violin! i guess these are the instruments april 24th people are supposed to play after all, haha.

i just pray that one day, they would finally encounter Someone and would play so that other people might know too! ;p

things do not necessarily happen as what we expect

2007-04-11T19:13:00.000+08:00

the mindset I had before the vacation was *me, myself, and I*. like, I would be on vacation, I would enjoy, I would be stress-free… but at the end of it all, *I* had been practically omitted from the 26 letters of the english alphabet.

[start background] skip this part if you knew already
this bataan (mt samat) adventure was borne, even as early as summer of 2006 (yup, you read it right, last year).

it was conceptualized by kuya derf (as far as i could recall), as concurred by kuya arvin, then i was informed. ate sharon fangonon was also invited. one by one, for various reasons, people backed-out. naturally, i also backed out, hehe.

and then summer of 2007. while my officemates and friends went to portugal, spain, bangkok, hongkong, the ever loyal poland, and somewhere else, i opted to stay here in the philippines (well, i still have passport issues thanks to DOST XD, hehe)…

i have applied my out-of-office leave from march 31^st to april 9^th even as early as february. this was possible because i had more than enough CDOs (Compensatory Day-Off, meaning our regular vacation leaves would not be consumed) since there have been times that i would work during weekends and wee hours in the morning.

monday (april 2^nd) came, kuya arvin texted me that he could not go, then the next day, ate sharon said that she was supposed to go home to baguio for the lenten season and kuya derf said that he would just follow after he would finish some pre-commitments… same scenario as last year XD however, i have already applied my leaves, finished what needed to be done at work, prepared the necessary stuff for this vacation, etc. in short, i was then ready… i could not back-out now. so, off i went ;p
[end background]

‘brief’ summary (sat to mon not included): might be very long, skip it if you are impatient

tuesday (april 3^rd)
i was at the hot seat, as in really impromptu interview. but for sudden twist of events, my host’s family was the one sharing. and in just one night, i have comprehensively known the background! nyee… in fairness, i have nothing to say except that they were so kind :)

wednesday
we went to my host’s brother's newly bought house and lot in a modern subdivision. it was oriental-inspired (private-joke ;p). then by afternoon to his newly born nephew (comment: awww… we are getting old XD) AND, we were engaged into a very deep-faith discussion with my host’s sister’s father-in-law, being old and with the proximity of relationship kinda added to the excitement for like 2hours. everything ended cordially at least.

thursday
supposedly rest day. but no! we assembled an amplifier XD haha (and yes, we used that amplifier for some P&W *jamming* sessions ;p)

friday
my very first witness of ‘cenaculo’ ever, after 21 years. kumusta naman! ;p

saturday
we were supposed to go to mt samat as culmination (err… araw ng kagitingan, remember o_O), but we instead had pizza at a national pizza parlor. reason: we were waiting for my host’s sister, but it was getting very late already and we decided to just eat, hehe… yeah, sad since that was the primary motivation last year :(.

sunday
we attended the sunrise (read: 4:30am, good luck talaga) service of the church of a fellow DCF alumni (as referred to my host by kuya caloy). in fairness, it started on time. and come 3pm, back to manila XD

after those kind of events, the *I* became *others*:

i had very productive quiet times, free from clock worries

i was impressed that i should do some *charity act*. not really for fun, but i was my challenged by my host and our friend we met friday for me to have a ‘scholar’. for that, i have talked with my younger brother that i would be the one to spend for his tuition this summer. unfortunately, my parents outdid me with it. they have already spent for his tuition. oh well, i am just reimbursing instead :)

realizing that i could not commit to going back to the campus at least once a week, i have been thinking of transitioning discipleship to other people who have better load. this has been also because, we have been praying for like a year already for a D-group commitment in the church that we go to during sundays. and yes, i now deem that our prayers have been answered already (might even months ago pa).

since this is the time that i would be seriously doing my AP role as i have said months ago, i would still continue to be responsible for students via AP (AP need not be every week / month). my current APs are kuya arvin (though he is set to graduate this april also ;p) and lutoy! (ehem, luther pala… dapat formal dcf chair na kasi) :) and after contemplation, i have crossed the boundaries of dorms when it comes to commitment. i have been afraid before to have something to do with people from other dorms when it came to responsibilities, but as one of the lessons i learned last lenten, i have now a third AP, my host last vacation - jason. (so, be my host for later vacations, baka kayo yung magiging next AP ko, hahahaha, joke lang po. being AP should not be taken lightly)

and yeah, even if i have not *publicized* this blog here in the workplace, POPE did able to locate it, haha... guess, i really should be opening my blog(s) not only for students (part of moving on) :)

speaking of work, i am now bound with HP for the next 6 months. it's because i had ITIL Training (last march 27^th to 29^th - basically, set of books regarding best practices being complied with leading IT companies) and Oracle 10g Program with PL/SQL Training come april 16^th to april 20^th, whole day from 9am (man, good luck nalang sa akin!) to 5pm in Oracle University (hahaha). 6months because HP would be spending at least PhP86,000 (without discount) for the two trainings... hmmm… this amount of money could pay for the tuition of 2 (actually, 1.5 rounded off) students for a 4-year course in UP save for the tuition hike that is set to be implemented this June (and to think the aggregated number of Training Days is just 8 days vs 8 sems!) lubus-lubusin na natin ito!

back to back, CHEERS! =)

2007-01-28T00:00:00.000+08:00

folks, the title says it all =))

i just hope these *CHEERS* would translate to something more tangible, like e-awards, haha...

the following is my second *CHEERS* ever since i got into HP last september '06.

additional FYI:
pope galang - my project manager in one of my projects
monika studnicka - a pole and also our technical leader

(just click on the pix if you want to enlarge)

if the preceding *CHEERS* does not suffice because it corresponds to a technical perspective, the next *CHEERS* is my third and says how *Business* appreciates our services accordingly :)

3 CHEERS in less than 6months...

...PERFECT!!!

i just love my work :)

PS, i am ready to divulge to the public my other blog, a livejournal account... it showcases some of my random (and sometimes innermost thoughts, hehe)... HINT: if you are my Y!M friend, you would easily know the URL ;p

major update! (sort of a long post, hehe…)

2006-08-09T10:17:00.000+08:00

i just resigned from my JOB!!! my resignation takes effect by the 1st of september 2006.

no… i did not resign out of bitterness or something, or for greener pasture, but rather more of career growth and social growth.

with regards to career growth, initially i found my current job OK, but after almost four months it was becoming boring. i felt that i have been not learning significantly… reason: my job is *maintenance*. meaning, it does not require you to think that much. i have been left out by my UP DCS batchmates (at least in another company) wherein they have been acquiring knowledge to the next level. not for anything, but i do not necessarily believe that a person like me is needed to handle this task. adding to the feeling of being stagnant is the mere fact that i had no real mentor. sure indeed, there are some people here that are really good. however, much that they liked to share their knowledge, i could not understand what they are trying to say. i’m completely at lost! henceforth, i am always stuck with taking the minutes of the meeting, and being in-charge of the documentation galore. handling the operators was sort of, how do i say it, synonymous to boredom too. there is nothing bad about the job but rather the problem is with me, so please don’t get me wrong.

now, the social growth part. as a person still in his very early 20s (as in!), of course, i was looking for people who could relate with my views AND within my same wavelength. i found people who have joined the company at the same time as i did, and they also came from prominent schools like ateneo and la salle. naturally, i was inclined to go with these batchmates, however, they are in other departments. it was really not that bad, but i find it not comfortable whenever they are talking about their teams, project managers, *team lunch out*, etc… this surely made me out of place, plus there was this atenean guy (i believe he also resigned already) that always make (present tense, because he still does it) people not welcome.

this taught me to reach-out to my officemates. i thought that i was the type of the person having the ability to respond well to any given people. i was proven wrong! rather, i have become so judgmental, in other words… instead of edifying, i was more or less sinning! here’s the set-up in my office / department… we have contractual employees (that are not somewhat young) and we have regular employees (that are definitely not somewhat young). logic would tell me to first associate with the regular employees, after all, they are the ones who have *permanent* tenure. thus, fostering friendship with them could be lasting. however, no matter how i *forced* myself to bond with them, it just did not click. they always ask me out for lunch and other activities, like drinking sessions and the like (oh no!!!) but i just am not that comfortable with their company. once again, generation gap proves to exist! whew… this leads me to the only choice of befriending the contractuals. this is the part that i have been sinning. this is a test of my character for i have viewed the casuals as inferior. [i'm now expecting comments at this point from readers] i could not swallow the scenario of having to lunch out with the contractuals, while at the same time my regular batchmates-employees, that are actually more or less at my level, having fun by themselves. God, i beg thee to be just and merciful in forgiving me and that teach me how to show compassion and acceptance for others…

when everything has been said and done, i am leaving soluziona without any bitternes. i have cultivated relationships, though not that deep. i am leaving a position that many people would aspire for, good for them. and now, i really hope that my new job come september 1st is really meant for me :)

one of the updates...

2006-07-27T13:35:00.000+08:00

look at the Current Amount Due located at the mid-right side of the picture...

haha!!! i do not know whether or not to consider this an achievement, but hey! we need to pay almost 3000 bucks for just an aircon-dominated electric consumption... coolness!!! [literally] pun, not intended ;p

there have been a lot of things that i would like to say here in this blog...

but, having no right to tell the future... i opt to just disclose things that have already transpired.

other updates shall be made available IF and WHEN things materialize.

tschüs! :)

who will be next?

2006-06-20T08:37:00.000+08:00

what do you get when you have:

a people-pleaser and mission-inclined person +
a choleric-melancholic and OC person +
a brutally candid elitist and dense person

under one roof?

what else? but RIOT!!!

aldous just moved-in with us last sunday. technically, *riot* should ensue.

but so far, by grace, harmony is still with us ;p

for the 24/7 live streaming subscription to this reality show, just tune-in to nothingwhenapart.blogspot.com :)

you may also get regular updates from your respective weekly dorm fellowships and also during sunday church services...

haha!!! now, aren't we having fun yet? XD

wanna bet?

2006-06-19T12:48:00.000+08:00

though i act apathetic on a normal day, me acting very dense is very different. it simply means, Me Da Igual (roughly: pakialam ko, bakit ba?). mwehehe... XD

sorry nalang po, this is one of my inner characters. and unfortunately, it was forced to be released... haha! kinda kyubi / kitsune of naruto ;p

one word though, KEBS XD

^hehe, this pertains to my new life, having to meet a lot of different people.

before the month ends...

2006-05-30T10:49:00.000+08:00

hmm...

seems like my posts do not follow regular basis anymore ;p

company outing was last weekend. it was for free, and the food was great! it was held at the batangas country club. of course, i was not with the group of my officemates, malamang... they are so old na kaya. hard to relate. the youngest, apart from me, is in his uber-late twenties. kumusta naman? i was just 20 last month! ;p

naturally, during the *big chill* (this was saturday night), there was a drinking spree. good thing i was with my batchmates, there were 11 of us in our group of newbies who joined. but only three have the principle of not drinking. so, it was pressure-be-gone drama during the night. one of the non-drinkers is my batchmate also from UPDCS. the other one is from ateneo. i am not that close to that UPDCS batchmate since she was not one of my cliques during college days, while this arnean guy maintains this intangible effect. nice evening. fine, bring it on! ;p

hehe... generally speaking, the outing went just fine. an ordinary event for me. it's very different compared to my college orgs' outings. i believe it's because, in a college org outing, the people you are with are first, within your age bracket; and second, you have something in common: like passion for debate (or some elitista way of thinking ;p), same faith and conviction, scholarly thoughts, etc...

coming from an elitist org in UP - which was one of the groups that influenced me a lot - situates me in the middle: (on one end) out of a UP stereotype of being tibak and geeky, (and on the other end) not that much association with the uber-suplado (and the i-do-not-care-who-you-are) people.

it's just a mixture of being an elitista at the same time, being not that numb with other people. being in the middle can really be a very good asset, or sometimes a liability. and in this current situation, i say that it is more of a liability. oh well...

now i know how it feels in the real world... unlike in my comfort zone back in UP college wherein the world seemed to be perfect - that is, being in the middle was just fine. now, there is a pressing need to make a choice.

i shall still hold that choice yet and disclose it sometime, i do not want to make a hasty decision. for now, i'll just enjoy this thing called - life :)

due to persistent public demand, UPDATES. at last!

2006-05-05T16:31:00.000+08:00

last update, march 9, 2006!!!

woohh... that was like so ancient.

many things really have happened, but due to the fact that time was then a luxury for me, i was not able to update.

i do not know where to start...

some important highlights of these past weeks (months even ;p) were my graduation, my first day of work, and the third one [the secret one] =) wait! there's also the part wherein we transferred to a new house :D

read on...

first stop, graduation!

2006-05-05T16:25:00.000+08:00

honestly, i really was not that confident with me graduating, especially when the month of february came. people around me may have noticed that i was always emphasizing that i was to graduate. little did they know, that was just one of the ways i did inorder for me to boost my confidence level. why i was not confident? simple... my grades were not that high to assure me of a clear mark.

oh well... time went on and poof! history says that i have finally graduated by grace (though i still am not cleared yet. our thesis documentation has yet to be finished ;p)
the graduation was not really emotional on our part, unlike other graduates. kumusta naman? most of my batchmates work by BUNCH in different companies, the majority of which are now in HP. wala lang, the graduation rites were just for fun and seeing my batchmates (especially my blockmates) at the end of it all was such a relief. we started things together when we entered our freshmen year and we are about to end this ALSO together in a *major* block event :D

these guys (special mention again to my blockmates) are deserving of what they are right now. the college valedictorian was from IE, but the salutatorian and the first honorable mention (if there is one) are my blockmates! 6 out of 8 of my block graduated as either (3) magna or (3) cum laude! congratulations is really an understatement. hence, they have luxurious job offers (like generally, the rest of my batch have).

our *block event* is tentatively scheduled during our (first, for some) payday! whew... this is gonna be one heck of a celebration. BUT! good luck to me, i am assigned as the primary *organizer* :((

best of wishes to all of us, my dear blockmates!

(pictures during the graduation rites will be posted later, bagal kasi ng net ko dito sa opisina :D)

second stop, JOB!

2006-05-05T16:17:00.000+08:00

at last! first day of my job fell on my birthday. it is a company policy that during his first day, a new hire would be introduced to the rest of the *company*. ms anj [my friendly and pretty HR] went like: "hi, (name of the person or group of people). this is lg, today is his first day and also his birthday". people were like saying, "oh hi! happy birthday!". that is why, i believe that i was the person during that day that has received like a million *happy birthday* greetings! [with a little exaggeration, of course ;p]

after the hi's and hello's in the libis head office, i was *delivered* to the project assignment - Meralco main building in ortigas. kumusta naman? security has been as tight as a hole of a needle during my first day. before i could enter in my floor, i have to ask the guards to open the door for me. they have this floor very secured since this floor is the data center. good thing, i have been issued a magic key (the white card key ;p) to let me go in and out of the floor.

when finally i was assigned a desk, i immediately checked the desktop they have given me. it is a hewlett-packard vectra VE cpu. but... Intel Pentium II 333MHz ZZZZzzzzzz..... (sorry, i dozed off). i checked... no! no internet! what? i have a landline in my desk and i thought of connecting this *abacus* cpu via dial-up. but lucky me, i now have a net connection after one week. now, i can be seen online (especially Y!M), though if i appear to be offline, i am invisible ;p

good luck to a CS graduate like me, my first project is to document an alien computer system! fine, i have been documenting all my college life, but documenting a *what the heck* system is really absurd. oh well...

but because, i was a good interviewee during one of the job interviews here, i said that i was receptive to the idea of dealing with the business side of IT and CS. pordat! i am also being assigned to determine a particular business unit (perhaps two units) whether to determine it as *should be a closed shop*.
for crying out loud, i only took econ11! friendship connections, do not fail me now... ;p

of course, the topic of me transferring from a dormitory to a real house :D

2006-05-05T16:12:00.000+08:00

yup, yup...

we (of course, at this point in time, i am not living alone) found a very good place in cainta. but hey, do not let this *cainta* fool you, it is really near UP and just a 15minute ride to my office in ortigas (take note: without traffic ;p)

the house is practically a bachelor's pad with two floors. the first floor is where you can find the living room / dining room. also, it is where the kitchen and bathroom are located. this part of the house is complete with interiors ONLY (ie, tiles, varnished walls, etc...).

upstairs, the second floor. now this is my place! it has a nice wall (my guess would be the wall costs cheap lang, pero hindi halata kasi maganda siya :D). i consider the bedroom my place because it is only the place in the house having an air-con. downstairs, you have to be contented with an electric fan ;p

though the house has 24hrs supply of fast-running and clean water (so strong that you can take a shower bath), a very cool (literally) bedroom because of the aircon, and nice tiled and (varnished) wooden interiors, we still lack furniture.
we still have no bed, couch, tv, ref, water dispenser, gasul, etc...

guess we just have to start from scratch. and i say (even if it is challenging), i like :D
so, here we go with spending our first salaries...

cheers to spending to our house and the life of being a bachelor and independence (from other people lang, but not from God).

no need to challenge me ;p

2006-03-09T15:47:00.000+08:00

this is my only pic in lavinia's digicam last GA...

i'll upload more when others give me the links :)

wait for the other pics!

tribute to lavinia :)

2006-03-09T15:04:00.000+08:00

since, ikaw yung pinaka-unang nagupload ng mga pics...

i give you a tribute :)

i am posting pictures na kasama ka (obviously, wala ako. read the post above this ;p)... but these pix are the ones na di naulit ung ibang tao :D

Kick Off GA

2006-03-08T23:26:00.000+08:00

what a night...

... left the newsletter while it was being printed... planned to get back after the ceremonies... took a very short bath... wore a sleeveless shirt... arrived at consunji hall of bahay ng alumni... there were already many people in front being prayed upon... did not go in immediately because i just wore a sleeveless shirt... asked for my org shirt (thanks kuya derf!)... went to the rest room to change clothes... heard claps and applauses while still inside comfort room... rushed to get in... SHOCKED! i just missed and was not kicked off!!! :((

worse...

asked by someone to sign my page on the member's directory... did not find my page... my name was forgotten to be included! thanx a lot carlo :((

was not kicked off, my name was not included... last GA for the sem... what a night!

but at the end of it all, i still love you DCF :)

ps... akin na yung picture, lavinia... waaahhhh :">

baywalk moments...

2006-02-27T13:30:00.000+08:00

okay, i know that i said i won't make my posts long, so i'll try to keep this short... i hope :)

this was supposed to be a class requirement (care of ate junette, luther, and jason). it then evolved to become dcbc sunset music ministry bonding activity. but, the real turn-out of events - it became an unofficial org bonding activity!

what followed were spontaneity... it was one of the most tiring nights, but also one of the most unexpecting.

the departure

there were like 20 of us that went there, so naturally, we went there by batches and just planned to meet at the MRT Taft station. being one of the seniors *ahem*, i went with the last batch. while riding the jeepney a *blooper* happened, there was one YCFer (i think that was paul, not the balite ;p) that on the spur of the moment wanted to come, he was inside the jeep already when he said "mama, para po" the moment the jeep began to move... we figured out that he was not allowed to come by his mom, wow! in fairness, masunuring bata :)

moving on, the MRT ride was one sort of a fun experience because that was my first time to ride with them guys... it was cool to have paul (balite) and luther cracking jokes and just being yourselves even in public places from *surfing* inside the train, to pretending seeing visible wavelengths. of course, we know when to become civil (in other words, we temporarily shut up) when it is not appropriate. from the MRT Taft station, we took four cabs to baywalk. there, we were excited because only a few of us know how to exactly go there :) hence, jokes with the likes of "oh well, we have the whole night to search ourselves if we get lost", circulated over the air.

the arrival

congratulate us, we were not lost... we arrived at baywalk, by God's grace... safely :) but pardon our angst, we were apalled by the quantity of people. before we even alighted from the cab, some have already commented about the *jologs* and the harm we could potentially face. not for anything, but we were afraid that a stampede another could happen. there was practically a *barangay* of trying to be - cool hard rock people, like the ones who always wear black (both shirts and pants, others denim jeans). i do not wish to speak more about them for i fear i will sin :) but one instance was like an oxymoron, because the *barangay* was stationing on a venue wherein the musical performance was jazz... talking about consistency ;p

the climax

i really did not expect what would happen... i did not know who would perform. there were like 7 venues, we first stopped at the venue wherein jordan and i still consider our mission fields :) after criticizing the fountain, we went to the baywalk proper... there, we see the *barangay*
people. after spending some time near them, we transferred to another venue. there, we caught joey ayala performing. one word: impressed! :D
this was what i told jordan: i belong to the elitist, sophisticated, *having my own world*, *don't care who they are* clubs, but i must confess that i completely forgot who i was that moment after he went down from the platform... the group rushed and took pictures with him. one of my orgmate even had his email and autograph ;p for my part, i am not that autograph person, but i just got contented having *the feel of his shirt, twice* (though it was icky because of sweat ;p). due to that starstuck moment, the group decided to stay for part 2 of his performance - this was like 4am! amazingly, noel cabangon played later that night. hehe... my dormmate, the flutist, also had a solo performance! raymond, ka-level mo na sila joey ayala :)

DCF with Noel Cabangon (singer of pana-panahon)

DCF with Joey Ayala (just Google to find more info about him ;p)

experiences

thanks to saganang ani, i sort of appreciate filipino songs now. before, it was really no to filipino songs... though their songs portray that of activism (and i still do hate tibaks), but i must say they are no rubbish.
all i can say right now is that there are indeed filipino artists who write songs that have social relevance, in other words... they have meaning! :)

with DCF, i can truly say that i did not regret reducing my 8 organization commitments, to just 2 now in my senior year (the other one is UP Debate Society). i do not regret in any way or the other that i have served in this organization. with DCF people, you can really feel comfort and friendships that are really honest and true. you can rest assured that these people are really worth the time and effort. after all, we have the same reason why relationships in DCF are strong... all of us are sinners, but have received grace and are saved by faith in Christ.

hence, the next time you can see smiles worn by DCF people (add to that the bonding activities!), you can be absolutely sure that what we feel are genuine joy that overflows from His love :)

thank you very much DCF and may we continue to live and grow in Christ!

it can't be helped

2006-02-24T01:34:00.000+08:00

yup, yup...

i am happy to announce that i have made up my mind...

without any bitterness -> good bye to you, friend.

nice knowing you and thank you for the moments...

very short post, but with a VERY heavy meaning (believe me)

2006-02-21T13:28:00.000+08:00

for the past days, it is not working unlike the past months...

just continue doing that, and i'll give up on you. for good.

i do not want to end things this way, because i have already come to care for you.

though it's not easy, but i'm sorry - i must if i must.

ps. this is ABSOLUTELY not love life

just some test

2006-02-20T15:21:00.000+08:00

i got this link from a batchmate and one of my Y!M friends...

juts click here , and click the characteristics that you feel may reflect me...

wala lang, wala kasi ako iba ma-post eh :)

well meron naman, but i do not want to post it now; not just yet...

so there, please click the link.

thanx!

and my expected results of this week's exams are...

2006-02-16T18:41:00.000+08:00

not good

i have just finished taking my last exam for this most demanding week of my academic life.

though it is not yet late to recover, i feel sad and already disappointed...

for that, i am going to take this acad mode to the next level. that means negative social life until april 3...

so there, acad mode muna...

blessing or curse?

2006-02-15T06:59:00.000+08:00

i am appalled.

sad, excited, discouraged, challenged... mixed emotions, i cannot tell.

how am i supposed to do the popular starcraft game for just only 1 month???

i mean, though it is just a simplified version, yet, hello? 1 month??? add to that the fact that it is *make it or break it*... like *all or nothing*.

i am trying to look at it in a positive manner, that it is good for my learning.

this is not my only subject, i still have other cs units (i have 15units in all this semester) to consider. and those also have demanding projects.

hence, i really am very pressured, i did not expect that it is very difficult to graduate, like i thought before that graduating was just a breeze here... but no.

i humbly ask for forgiveness for even bothering to think about that thought.

if you wanna be depressed, just click this link for the *simplified* starcraft specifications, and read it yourself.

mike chua (groupmate), please agree with me saying that He can do miracles. with Him, nothing is impossible and that we can finish this machine problem, on time...

what just happened?

2006-02-13T17:40:00.000+08:00

it was a day before our dorm open house.

i was supposed to make crema de fruta (ref cake). given that my first attempt was a disaster (i did one during the christmas break), i wanted to have someone who already knew how to do it.

-- during dinner

kuya A : there's a probability that i cannot accompany you. i still have to help fix the room.
me : it's ok kuya, i texted ate M to help me.

-- text from ate M

ate M : i have an exam tomorrow
me : oh no!

-- asking help from an orgmate

me : hi. ate M has an exam tomorrow & kuya A is busy preparing the room for our open house, is there by chance you could help me?
orgmate M : i love to, but i'm now leaving for our province.
me : i believe we can do it within 30mins, we'll just hurry it up. i'll just accompany you to the bus station afterwards.
me : (follow-up text) on second thought, pls go home. i feel selfish still asking help from you knowing that you have other plans, but it's getting late. you sure you don't want somebody to accompany you?
orgmate M : i'm already here inside a bus... [texted recipe]... you can do it!

[my comment]

the day after, i was informed that her bus was held-up...

fine, take away all possessions that have monetary value. you may even sell them for purposes that i do not know, maybe feed your family or what. but please, the problem with you guys is that you are taking away even important things that are of no value to you. what do you do with lab reports and records???

couldn't you be more discriminating of the things you are robbing?

come on now guys! i understand that you are not in a very stable / secured status, but please, do not pull people with you. don't you realize what long term effects you effected? add to that the fact that you pointed a gun directly to this orgmate twice after begging for her notes??? my orgmate is not yet done with this thing called thesis! this person still is far from over, and in barely two months, the graduating people grades should be submitted! you are very much discouraging. now this orgmate goes back from the start. i am not into condemning and cursing people, i am just not happy for what you guys did.

the reason i can relate with this traumatic experience is because i was also a victim of snatching when i was still a freshman. at the same time, i am also doing my thesis, i cannot imagine doing again my thesis that is supposed to be done for two semesters. that is why, i really feel sad for what just happened.

Lord, i believe you are sovereign and you have reasons for allowing this. also by faith, we shall be able to cope up and survive this...

my Master still can make miracles

2006-02-13T09:19:00.000+08:00

with human knowledge, i say that i am (academically) a dead meat this week...

monday -> probset
tuesday -> networking exam
wednesday -> numerical methods exam
thursday -> electronics exam

and here is the worst -> formal demo and presentation of our THESIS this wednesday!!!

honestly speaking, with myself only, i cannot do this. these subjects are all MAJOR and are VERY LONG in terms of coverage. but with HIM, nothing is impossible.

His grace abounds and he still can make miracles.

Lord, please help me this time.

long posts and other random thoughts

2006-02-13T05:41:00.000+08:00

hehe...

thought 1

sorry if i am a frustrated writer, hence the long posts here :) i'll try to shorten up my posts though. though it's a good thing since i made my blog public (on the onset, once you make a blog, it is already implicitly public ;p), many have commented that they read my blog. cool! i did make my blog public, BUT i did not publicize my blog... cool online world. you have instant publicity :D

but sorry guys, my blog is under moderated comments ;p

thought 2

i would like to echo what i posted last year (october if i am not mistaken), i need to redesign my blog!

but since time is REALLY a luxury for me right now and for the next days, i might be able to do this after graduation.

thought 3

i wanna try being introvert again, the thing wherein you devote a single day (at least a week, nah... make it at least a month) not minding the world and just be alone meditating, of course with His presence. being an introvert also implies that you do not wander often to places wherein it is not necessary. if it can be helped, i wanna stay within campus premises and just enjoy my precious few remaining student days :) yikes, i fear that this will lead me to stay in my dorm room since it is almost march21, the last day of classes. this idea always pops into my head since manong willie preached during the 12th anniversary of dcbc sunset.

i'm really a natural introvert. in fact, i was raised in a non-extrovert manner.

i do not know if it easy to go to that state again, but either way, i still am joyful :)

thought 4

nah... forget it, i still have many random thoughts but i guess these thoughts already suffice for this post :D

He is one step ahead of us

2006-02-13T05:10:00.000+08:00

i have learned something from my orgmate this morning.

WE were planning some post-graduation stuff last november and seems out that it won't materialize.

right now, he is still confused on what path to take. he still has no idea of what his life will be after graduation. he has no long term goals yet. he plans to go on solitary living...

oh well, continue praying for His plans. i also learned my lesson from this. we both planned it together and if it is not His will, we cannot do anything about it.

always remember that our Master is still sovereign. He controls everything and all we are to do is to follow His will.

this is a sad turn of event, but if this is His plan (not ours)... i humbly submit.

we sang during one of my orgmate's 19th birthday

2006-02-11T01:25:00.000+08:00

I Promise
by: JACI VELASQUEZ

Lord, You know my heart
And all my desires
And the secret things I'll never tell.
Lord, You know them well.
Though I may be young,
I see and understand
That at times, like sheep, we go astray
And things get out of hand.

So I promise to be true to You,
To live my life in purity
As unto You, waiting for the day
When I hear You say,
"Here is the one I have created
Just for you."

Until then, O Lord
I will be content
Knowing that true love will come someday.
It will only come from You.
'Cause I have seen the suffering
That loneliness can cause
When we choose to give our love away
Without a righteous cause.

So I promise to be true to You,
To live my life in purity
As unto You, waiting for the day
When I hear You say,
"Here is the one I have created
Just for you."

dcbc sunset anniversary

2006-02-06T07:31:00.000+08:00

it's been a while since i last visited dcbc. the last time i did was december of 2005. though for some, two months is not that long, i still consider it long enough. you see, if you have been reading my previous posts (especially the private blog days ;p), you can easily observe that dcbc has really played a great significance in my life.

for one, it has helped me through my challenging days, especially the time wherein i badly needed company. the times wherein i was low spritually, afraid that i might fall again into a cult or something... poof! dcbc was there.

dcbc (diliman campus bible church) is a Bible-based Christian church located within UP Diliman. it has two services (morning & sunset) when i became a member, and added one more (tagalog) recently.

i came to know dcbc when i was still a freshman. i was on *church-hopping* mode, so when i attended once, it was sort of just one of the churches that i attended. this was partly because a very eager group managed to invite and made me gullible to the tricks of their sleeves. people in the fellowship know this already :)

i joined them for quite some time and it took me long enough to realize that there was something wrong with their principles . for that, i became a nominal christian for some time, fearing that i would be devoured again by cultists. hey, at least praise God for making me experience this earlier :D

sophomore days came and i decided to break my being nominal and be on fire for Christ again. i came to know molave christian movement (molave chapter of dormitories christian fellowship - DCF), and did not wait for an invitation. i formally joined the group when i was sure that its teachings are in line with the Scriptures. there, i was introduced back to dcbc!

i really praise God for calling me back again to His arms. i felt that i should extend His grace to other people. so i decided to be active in this church. attended trainings and outreach programs, participated in official activities, i even had the opportunity to become a member of the music ministry (for a *very short* time). all these, really supplemented my growth as a Christian.

but, for reasons that i already came to know Christ before i entered college, the urging and *homesickness* of my local church have been taken into consideration. i made a *very hard* decision of transferring to victory christian fellowship (vcf). i am just happy that i did not leave dcbc because of bitternes. fact of the matter is, everything (relationships, faith, etc.) was almost 100% OK. i do not regret that action. but i really miss the dcbc fellowship. vcf is a big church (just a disclaimer: this is not the reason why i transferred), but even though dcbc sunset is relatively small, you can really feel the warmth of being in a family. i'm not saying that vcf does not provide a family warmth, what i'm saying is that you can feel the warmth *more* in dcbc sunset.

i have talked with some of the dcbc people such that i have been mulling to go back to dcbc services. but, this is not my decision to make. it is HIS! while waiting for His confirmation, let us just say that status quo remains.

back to the anniversary... i am very thankful to Him for sustaining dcbc sunset throughout these years. it is a church that can serve as a training ground for future leaders (especially in the church ministry).

during the celebration, they also had this *cantata reprise* wherein it was a blessing to see the new (and also old) blood sharing their gifts to glorify Him.

and of course, there were lots of food! :D

from the bottom of my heart, i praise God for letting dcbc become a part of my life. thank you very much dcbc!

God bless you.

my blog goes public

2006-01-26T01:49:00.000+08:00

you know what...

i have made a blog to be a venue of angst and lessons that happen in my daily life.

but i completely disregarded the notion of whatever is in the internet opens it to the public already.

the day that i was scared finally happened, that is that my blog would be found out. being a compsci myself, i challenged my roommate who is also a compsci to find my blog. well, i should be happy that he did find it out except for the mere fact that i let him saw parts of my blog. he caught the keyword "in faith". and the rest is history. in fairness to my best friend google, you have done it again :)

FYI, somebody has already discovered my blog long ago. i sent her a printscreen pic of my blog (profile details were hidden) and she was able to trace the url of the file. but she immediately flushed all the details of the blog... ie cleared history, etc.

oh well, guess this has to be the end of my private blog days... it makes no relevance if i continue to hide this knowing that it has been found already.

i am just thankful that the secrets in this blog are not controversial. instead, the entries here are just plain praise and prayer items. thank God for everything!

so there, enjoy reading my posts... especially the posts of the private blog days :)

mas masaya yun, you will know me better, unedited and i have not deleted any posts :D

living life day by day in faith always...

--> lg

to be forgotten day

2006-01-24T13:38:00.000+08:00

i really cannot believe it...

how bad can your day get? i was awaken by a text that stirred my emotion.

-instance 1-

it was december when an orgmate asked me a favor if she can borrow a water heater to be used in her another org.

the being kind in me agreed and asked a dormmate if i can borrow his heater. he lent with a caution that it might be broken. i said don't worry.
i was not yet back in school, so i asked someone to return it back for me.
there were two heaters that were returned to the dorm. when i saw the owner of the heater, he told me that his heater was unbearable. it was so much damaged that it is practically of no aesthetic value.
i was appalled, my name was at stake there. so, i composed myself and offered to replace it. he agreed. i then told my orgmate of what happened. she suggested that the two heaters could have been switched. so, i asked the person to whom the two water heaters were given. that person assured me that the heater on their possession was really theirs. that implies that either the water heater that was returned to my dormmate was really destroyed or switched with somebody else.
either way, i still was depressed by the text message which read: *i would like to follow-up my water heater. be a responsible borrower naman *. even though that person is really not close to me, i still was saddened by the accusation that i'm an irresponsible borrower :(

-instance 2-

more than that *irresponsible borrower* statement, something worse happened.

again, i also got a text that woke me up. i missed my first class and my groupmate for the past experiments texted me that he was the only person from the group in the lab. he asked me where were the circuit design and materials for the project. i told him that i do not have a copy and that i was not in-charge of the materials. he said that he would not deny that he was angry because the one holding the design was also absent and that the in-charge of the materials said the materials were not available yet. i just replied that i would be present during the class lecture and that we would talk there. but then again, that talk made matters worse...

just a background, it was the first lab meeting of the new year. he was the only present out of the four of us in the group. so he was made to join other groups. naturally, the three of us still were groupmates plus another classmate was assigned to us for that experiment. the design problem was given the week after and that he was absent. we did not expect that this *new groupmate* still joined our group. that moment led the group into writing her name as our groupmate. this was spontaneous, it was not intended to happen. -endbackground-

i just told him that since he was absent during the day the design problem was given, somebody else took his place. of course, his feeling was anger. he told me that he was not informed about this and he walked out...

when i was back in the dorm, i was depressed of the recent turn of events. my phone rang and i got a message coming from that groupmate. i decided not to read it, but just replied something like this: "hi. i purposely did not read your last text. i know that it is in angry mode. my hands are full of depressions already and the last thing that i want to happen is to add another depressive situation. just wanna tell you that i was not in control of the situation. rest assured that i shall tell the other groupmates. for the meantime, if you need help, just ask. sorry again". he replied, but i still do not wish to read it, at least this time...

so there, i just strolled around the acad oval for an evening walk and for solitary moments, and also to withdraw some cash (i only had 30 bucks in my wallet ;p)... thinking things over on what lessons i can learn from here.

Lord, please help me during these depressing times...

antidote for certain feelings --- ACADS!!!

2006-01-11T03:47:00.000+08:00

seems i'm not really desperate for love after all... this makes me confident that i still have a *secret* weapon against emotional pressures from the secular world!

ACADS!!!

i am scheduled to take an exam this 2.30pm... i am cutting the class before that so i can study more... i know i was not able to budget my time right that's why i retorted to this, but hey... i do not like to take any chances :)

please pray for my exam thanks!

God bless!!!

the battles wages on...

2006-01-09T10:02:00.000+08:00

ok… i know that I said I am winning this battle. i am very confident that I am, thank you. but just some questions bugging in my mind. Whenever, you are faced with some *love sick* people, why are there times that you also share that feeling?

i really do not know… i am still a mighty member of NGBSB club. i mean, i really should not be bothered by this feeling. after all, the people within my circle are also members of this society — from my blockmates, orgmates, and other friends. i am indeed sure that I hafta wait after graduation since i have some priorities now, and they are significant priorities.

i once had a Y!M chat with my cousin who is now based in canada. they just migrated last summer. she is like 17years old. due to the atmosphere, she did have a boyfriend when she was graduating high school last academic year. when she was about to leave for that country, she made a *hard* decision, she broke up with the guy. she did not intend to do this just for fun, it was just a practical decision for at that time (1) her dad was already in canada and they were still here in the philippines, meaning no one was really that very protective to guide her and; (2) long-distance relationship is difficult.

right now, her former boyfriend has already a new girlfriend, but according to the perspective of my cousin, the new girlfriend is just a *panakip-butas*. whether or not this statement is true, i still was struck by her follow-up statement… *kuya, if only i was a get-them-all girl, i really would have filled a basket*. she refused to follow suit… that is, get another boyfriend to move on. for now, my cousin has learned her lesson, you must wait and never give in to an uncertain feeling.

being a Christian entails bigger accountability. the world offers so much *kilig* feeling that you can most easily give in to that feeling. like, there are so many stray girls there that you can easily play with their feelings. but you know you should not use them just to fill that *unique* hole in your hypothalamus (heart in layman’s term). this hole vacuums a lot that you would certainly look for other people. some join fraternities, some get into relationships… this is just to fill that unique-shaped hole. what is bad is that you are just draining the people that you think can fill that vacuum. in the end, it’s a loss-loss scenario… you lost because those people cannot fill that vacuum, and they lost because you drained them (emotionally, physically, mentally, etc.).

this is really a war, we can say that we are winning battles after battles… but we should not just aim in winning the battles, instead we should aim in winning this war. i at times really guard my feelings whenever scenarios that involve *go for it even if you are not sure that she is the one* scenarios. that scenarios implies self-centrism which is really bad. Let Him be the Centre of your life, let Him fill that vacuum for He is infinitely powerful. we can love, because He first loved us. that is why it is just proper to give Him back what He deserves… praise Him, honor Him, worship Him, obey Him…
this is, my friends, the secret of winning this war. this war (for those who are not called to be celibate) will only end after you have settled down with the right person that you prayed for.

my friends, this is a war that rages even daily, i too am still fighting in this war… i am winning battles after battles… but i must admit that sometimes i am near being defeated… i then just go back to the Cross and ask for the strong support — the love of Christ. it is then i can continue to fight together with my brothers and sisters in the faith.

let us pray for each other that we may always be strong loyal warriors in every battle. again, my brothers and sisters in Christ, He is strong when we are weak… let’s continue this fight and win it!

DCF Christmas GA

2005-12-07T19:41:00.000+08:00

"is it me or every activity is really getting better & happier, the best Christmas GA! so fun! GO DCF!!!" -- my YM msg right now.

can't really believe it. why did it take so long for me to realize that He is pruning me and i am where should i am right now. i have held many positions into different orgs, been a member both active/inactive to others, but refused to take a strong stand in my faith!

for the past three years, almost everything was with insecurities, but it is only in DCF where i found growth in many fields especially spiritually.

with the fellowship, you can really find comfort and security. whenever you are under attack spiritually, you just go back to the Cross and run to the blankets of the fellowship. there, i assure you that you will find His physical comfort manifested.

this is really true in my case, i am not really spiritually attacked as in like backsliding, but i was confused what should i really do. is it the right time? or i need to wait? this entry is a jump off from my previous blog entitled *true love waits*. true indeed, i have been enlightened that i should lead by example. i should not set a *trend* of relationships. i must stick to my conviction of, with God in motivation, ministry first before love. many testimonies have been broken because of romantic relationships in fellowships. many new Christians have stumbled because of those broken testimonies. hence, i could not afford to show that to DCF.

if you ask me, i am willing to court a girls (or even girls!) just to show that i am not anti-relationship. but i do not control my life now, it is owned by Christ when i accepted Him as my Lord and Saviour. so, i must abide by His standards. again, i am not saying that courting (and even romantic relationship) is bad, but just be sure to put it in the proper venue. your actions could lead to other people being envious and fall into pressure, which i need not say the gravity of it. this is also where many church leaders discourage romantic relationships while in the youth ministry.

this principle guides me to stay on the track of reserving into having a relationship until graduation. unless of course if you are called otherwise.

praise God for letting me win this battle. i sort of was falling into terrible confusion because of the actions and pressures from the secular world, especially if it is just near proximity. but hey, thanks to the fellowship (and especially with the GA), i felt that i do not need (well not just yet) a partner to be secured and become complete. God is already in my life, and He is enough to fill that vacuum hole that has the unique shape of Him.

thanks to the GA earlier that reminded me to remain focus of serving the ministry still and not go into impulsive courting because of the pressures from the secular world.

indeed once again i felt very blessed and happy, but this time it is without the feeling of insecurity and discomfort.

praise God!

right now, i'm thinking of posting the details of what happened during the GA, but it's like 3.45am and i hafta sleep already.

so there, thank you Lord for *physically* manifesting through DCF.

confirmation

2005-12-07T19:08:00.000+08:00

true indeed! ever since i came to UP, i had ups and downs in my life, be it emotional, physical, spiritual, etc... we all have had experience these things.

i for one felt a blast of bliss when i was still a freshie, in the company of my blockmates, and with my orgmates when i was still a sophomore.

my third year in college was sort of in denial stage. i could not give up my *valuable stuff*, that is... given that i was debate inclined, i could not give up debsoc. given that they have been one of the first few friends i had, i could not give up on my blockmates. yet, life must move on.

right now, i am now in 4th year college... i learned to follow God. he removed from me my *attachments* to debsoc. FYI, before when i thought about the scenario that what if sometime debsoc would be gone, i would answer that i would be the first person that would be affected most. the reason of this is that, i was so engrossed to the idea that i am a member of *The UP Debate Society*, thus it makes me feel so good and i am quite a not-so common person. hence, pride exists.

God knows how to prune the branches, He is the vine. you cannot do anything when He does that but to surrender everything to Him. the thought that i considered my blockmates and my orgmates as the people that *complete* everything made Him out of the picture. surely, nobody would like to be out of the picture, especially Him. He is not a nobody, but the Great One! so, for Him to be the Centre of my life, He has to first remove the *stuff* that makes me go far from Him. there, when i entered the Society, i almost completely lost my relationship with my blockmates. and the more i was engulfed inside the Society, the more i lost my blockmates. but, even before i lost my blockmates, i already had insecurities with them. though we had fun, i still felt that that may end soon. the Society was not the real cause why i lost significant contact with my blockmates, but it just served some sort of catalyst to really alienate me from them. i was into debating, they took another path and joined and concentrated on my academic field. being in the Society made me proud, i was a new mem then and the senior members really inspired me. i really did not care that much about my blockmates anymore as long as i had the Society.

so from two attachments, i only was left with one, the Society. but then again, when i reached junior level, i felt something not nice. the comfort that i once had within the org suddenly disappeared. though i still loved the org, the insecurities made me haywire. the cliques, the competitive aura, the unfriendly ambience were so not bearable anymore. gone are the seasons of gimik days (and nights), the *kwentuhan* moments even until 10pm or as *late* as 3am, the crying times during tourneys, and the valued and cherished trust in friendships before and after classes. hence, from practically living in the tambayan to not making *tambay* anymore. this was difficult to accept at first, third year in college was really a time of suffering, longingness, confusion, and every lonely and sad feelings about insecurities swept me.

i cannot stay like this forever, i cannot see the status quo would change. i must have an action. i did not know that this was His will, after all debsoc poses direct values against my conviction, i.e., cursing, smoking, sex, backbiting, and other immoralities that always strike me whenever they make it sound very fun and in, hence you are lost because you are not doing the same things they are doing.

i really admire one alumna on how she managed to survived these things even though she's a strong believer. mind you, i believe she did not compromise, but she was not that very active in terms of participating in many org activities. probably because she was already graduating when i became a member.

moving on, fourth year came. this time, i still felt the urge to renew my application, but this tme i was already open to the idea of leaving the org. before, there was no entertaining of just even the thought of leaving the org. fine, i reaffed. from at least six active orgs since second year, i trimmed it down to just two in my senior year. DCF & DebSoc. after carefully evaluating the pros and cons, i am now ready to devote to just only one org, and that is not debsoc. though i still reaffed for my this second sem. i do not care now what my Society orgmates would think about my statements. i have already had enough of their lambasting moments. making me feel more of a liability rather than an asset. true that i am not that champion material, but i am neither a pathetic debater. at least in that sense, the concept of liabilty should not supposed to be an issue at all. after all, i did love the org and did my best to help out with it.

oh well at least right now, even if they boot me out i shall not feel any regrets or sorry's. but i still welcome the idea of them sending me off. i really do not have any angst when it comes to the Society right now, i am even happy for the accomplishments they have been raking. it's just that right now, i feel that debsoc is very far away from my heart right now. whenever i am in the tambayan, it gives me the flashbacks of insecurities again. so, i think it would be better off under low profile muna from the Society.

and take note, i am also gaining back my once lost relationship with my blockmates and batchmates. but this time, i already have a focus, Him!

God really forsees everything...

with that, i feel secured :)

praise Him...

thank you very much my Lord for the cantata

2005-12-05T00:24:00.000+08:00

since i have been pressured by the nth time to conform to the norms of this world, i really must run away from it and find comfort with Him and other believers.

yesterday was really a very crucial time for me, as in like super! super pressured... my roommate made me feel that it was cool to be in love and just go for it.

FYI, i have been consistently inspired my uncle and my parents that it would really be better to do with that love life after graduation in college, so many reasons were given but the principle is the same.

so, i made it to the point of not really suppressing the feeling, but making sure of it before making it a serious one... hence, i am still a proud member of NGBSB (No Girlfriend/Boyfriend Since Birth). i have set my priorites straight.

but that priority was tested and i even got confused which is which... so there, i was YMing with an orgmate until 3am! i know i was confident that it was another one of those pressure moments, but i really almost fell for it.

good thing there was an activity of my former church the next day. it was cantata. i was really looking forward to it. partially because of the activity as a whole (the music, dances, FOOD, everything!), but more because that i really wanted to be in the fellowship of other believers as well... these are the people who have at least the basic understanding of Him, and there are also many who are that really deeply rooted to His Word.

so, God was again so gracious to me. He made me feel that my citizenship is not here but in heaven... hey that means that i should maintain His strict moral standards and not be persuaded by the alluring secular world.

there, i have forgotten about the pressure stage, i mean right there and there, i felt that i was winning the battle against this test. i was blessed by our fellowship, they continually reminded me that they are still there to continue in running the race, and committed to finishing it!

God is really so sovereign. i then realized that i should not fall or just even be bothered by the actions of other non-believers. instead, if there is a need to rebuke, then do so but with compassion. i am not into rebuking my roommate right now, i mean if i were to ask, he should start praying for that girl. but what i know is that i must continue with God's plan, and i believe that He does not will me to be in a relationship yet. it would be very unfair to all parties (mine, special someone, and most especially to God), if i just continue with my own futile will. He knows everything and i should just let Him do with His plans, for i know He is my God who never allows me to be hopelessly engulfed by the enemy.

i shall post later what transpired during the cantata, and the many as in like MANY exciting moments.

so there, just watch out for my next post...

praise God to the fullest!

true love waits!

2005-12-04T14:41:00.000+08:00

"i am not looking for love, i just wait for it" -sam

such words coming from someone who is not a professing Christian! if a non-believer can such have a strong conviction (though i do not know what's his motivation), why can't i?!?

in this secular world, many Christians go backslide because of the temptation and doings of the enemy. he places norms which are directly (implicitly or explicitly) against the orders of the Almighty. examples are corruption, deceit, dishonesty, etc... but i shall focus on one of the three things that the Scriptures say will remain forever - the ever loyal *love*.

i am a professing member of NGBSB or No Girlfriend/Boyfriend Since Birth. i am not ashamed of it. extreme pressure cannot be denied especially among people in our year bracket (teenagers and young adults, 13-25). i too have faced and still am facing this challenge. if i were not a Christian and consequently no strong convictions, i can honestly say, i would have also fallen for it.

ever since i reached puberty level, i always have a sphere of influence that has people belonging to the NGBSB, yet there are also those who have already had their firsts. i am not a psych or bio major, or any other fields that study human behavior, so i cannot say WHEN people DO REALLY FALL IN LOVE.

but i can say, that i have been standing by the test of this feeling. i do not really know when someone feels *true love*. some say you are in love when you always think of that person and could not let even a single second pass not thinking of that person. others say that you have a sense of aphrodisiac when you are with that special someone. the subjectivity of this feeling is the danger of it.

disclaimer, i am not saying having crushes is wrong. i have had many already. it is just some people court other people because they are PRESSURED. like you are the only one in your circle who has no partner, or one of your friends has a relationship with someone already, thus you feel the need to have one also.

aside from the fear of rejection (in layman's term, fear of being *busted*) and the focus of being ready (financially, emotionally, spiritually, etc), the preceding statements guide me.

it would be not fair for your part, and especially VERY UNFAIR for the part of the girl (or boy for girls), if you just court her because you just *want* to. worse is when you do it because of peer pressure and envy, in other words conformity to what you see and feel.

these are just many of the reasons why i do not like to pursue in courting somebody. she is really, if i am not mistaken, THE ONE that i have felt something very special. i noticed her since i was a sophomore in the tertiary level, and now we are already seniors, that feeling did not much significantly diminished. compared to other girls that i had *kilig moments*. some of them i consider , my sister or niece if you will.

this situation begs for something that is not feeling-based. after all, that emotion can last for just days, weeks, months, or even years. but at the end, you are not deemed for each other. this is what i would like to avoid --- courting just because i wanna know how it feels and i do not care if we are really not meant for each other.

with this, i found the advice if kuya caloy to be very helpful... that is to pray for that *special someone*. let Him speak whether or not you are for each other. this is the Christian way... this is what separates us from the secular world. some people do it because of the emotion they feel momentarily, but as time goes by they find somebody else. dump that person, they do not care. this is where waiting and prayer comes into the pictue. we Christians should not do it for just the hang of it. we should do it because we believe that God has somebody in store for us that everything shall go well according to His plans.

we Christians should fight that feeling of jelousy and momentary emotion. sure, we have many crushes, this includes me, but we should not take it to the next level if we Christians do not seem to find it coherent with what the Word of God says! let us Christians shape the world, not the other way around. let us always remember that bandwagons follow, they do not lead!

Christians have high moral standards, and have something different that many people can see conspicuously, hence, there should be no reason why we could not lead! one of the things we could do this leading is by letting others know and see that we are strong in our convictions and not let the secular world (no matter how pleasurable it may seem) rule over us.

remember that emotions come and go, but the Love of God endures FOREVER!

sing, praise... sing praise...
FOREVER God is faithful, FOREVER God is strong, FOREVER God is with us...
FOREVER... AND EVER...

career to be an usher

2005-12-04T11:00:00.000+08:00

praise God!!!

i never thought that despite the fact that i do not attend sunday services in DCBC anymore, they still thought of making me an usher for the *cantata activity*.

i really miss DCBC. it was one of my first churches here in UP Diliman when i was still a freshie. i was a *constant* attendee then when i met an organization considered by many Christians here in UP as a *cult*. it was due to them that i got numb at the same time paranoid about the other genuine Christian organizations. there was even a time that i did not wish to attend sunday services anymore because i feared that i might fall again to another wrong group.

anyway, moving forward... i officially transferred to another just just last june, but i was already not attending DCBC sunset since november of last year.

right now, i really feel grateful since DCBC still makes me feel one of the members. FYI, i signed-up as an associate (not full) member of DCBC and even got baptized there. so, it was really not easy to let go and transfer to another church.

so there, just to show my appreciation of the times that i have been there and even during these times which by the way they still welcome me, i shall be glad to serve as an usher for the cantata.

what to wear? since the outfit should be ALL black, i'm planning to wear my turtle-neck long sleeve and my leather sandals, my only problem is the lower garment. i have two choices but i do not feel in wearing either of them. oh well, i just have to look for *black slacks*.

so there, this is it. i would like to return back to DCBC, at least in this little way, the services and the time that i was still an active member.

Praise God!!!

picture!!!

2005-11-19T14:30:00.000+08:00

yey!!! may pix na ako :D

dcf camp 2005!!!

2005-11-19T14:09:00.000+08:00

in all the camps that i have attended, i say that as of status quo DCF camp 2005 is the best one! not because i got really involved in it as member of the execom, but of reasons definitely other than that.

this was one of the camps that the messages truly pierced right through my bones! twas like it reminded me of always be on fire for God.

i had the pinaccle of burning passion to serve Him when i genuinely accepted Him as my Lord and Saviour later part of my high school life. i was really motivated to serve Him more than anything else.

the camp indeed in many ways or another refreshed that notion. i believe i speak in general that many Christians have their own backsliding moments. that is *running away FROM the race* instead of FINISHING the race.

i really must admit that without the fellowship and DCF to remind me of where i should go, i could have not help swimming with the current. in other words, going with secular ideologies. good thing there are these accountable people that can really call my attention. hence, the camp was such a good activity. by the way just saying good is an understatement.

before the semester started, i prayed for the academic semester the camp and other dcf concerns. hence, i just surrendered everything to Him. i did not know what His plans were but i was assured that they were all for good.

true indeed, not by our own works, but by His works! during our first night in the camp site, the execom met and discussed... and guess what, we fell short approximately 6,000 pesos! we did not have enough cash at that time... no, we did not have funds at that time! we did not know what to do, we just prayed. and guess what, from -6,000 we had +10,000 after the camp! truly God is gracious!

anyway, let's talk more about what happened during the camp.

our *planned* program of activities did not really go as planned. we were supposed to have our own version of *amazing race*, when it really rained hard. so, changes were made, but eventually everything went well. the amazing race was really one big test to our physical limitations. it made me realize that i am out of exercise. i easily got body cramps! out of the five teams, we finished 4th. but then again, it's not about our position, but more importantly, we finished the race and we had one big blast of fun!!! :)

evening came and there was a *campers' night*. this is where we had to show our God-given talents, that is... in the form of a play. knowing me, i forgot how to make a decent script for the simple reason that i had written a skit more than 5years ago already! so, we brainstormed. it was where our creative juices came out. i did not realize that DCFers were so full of potential and talents, not to mention the burst of creativity that went booming. we had a lot of fun preparing the play and even had greater of it, when the moment came.

the campers were full of energy and they were at performance level. there were people that i did not really think they were such until i saw them performed. to summarize everything. it was AWESOME. did i mention that there were awards? there were three: best performing group, most creative group, best actor/actress.

oh well, we just got the two out of three awards :D the best creative group and the best actor award. i thought jason (my groupmate who won the best actor award) did well during the play, but i did not really think that he would surpass other campers when it came to acting... well, for the two awards, we thank the judges, Kuya Dave (one of DCF's spiritual adviser), Kuyas Derf and ooopssss... i forget the name of the last one (he is now a UP math instructor and a pastor), both DCF alumni.

i really had fun and i can say that there was no dull moment during the camp. i was blessed by the activities, had fun with the games, feel spiritually renewed by the messages and worship, greatly inspired by the group discussions, and comfortable with the fellowship.

the pictures that you see in this blog are pictures of our group (the color pink group, hehe). sorry for not posting other pictures of other campers, but blogspot limits only 5pics to upload per post. and besides, it really took a lot of time uploading them :D

all glory and honor and praise to God only!

did not go that well

2005-11-19T04:32:00.000+08:00

oh well, good thing there is still a bug in blogger, my post last november 7 entitled *moving on* was not published. but if it had been, there was a hanging issue about talking to my new roommate. he is a sophomore economics student. he should have a higher year right now, if it were not for the operation for the sickness he has that made him out of school for a year or so.

anyway, when i first met him, i gave him the *hello, how are you* friendly attitude and smile. this is despite the fact that i am not the *hi, hello* friendly that much person. but since, i supposed that i could be compelled to share the room with that person, i had to do it. don't get me wrong, i also did the *hello, how are you* friendly attitude and smile to my other new roommates. the two responded positively. i was also hoping that this econ major would do the same. when we first met during the morning, it was a OK acquaintance. meaning, *oh, hi. i am <> 4th year what's your province?* *i am a sophomore econ student from QC*, went well. on the evening,my other roommate & i did our normal dota galore. i must admit that it was like 12 or 1am then, this econ sophomore then blurted out with much arrogance and pressure... *sorry ha? di kasi ako makakatulog, eh. lilipat ako ng room bukas. bukas na talaga... kakausapin ko si ma'am. di kasi ako makatulog eh.* fine! we admit that we did wrong, hence our cool heads prevailed and we immediately apologized.but he still kept blurting out *di kasi ako makatulog eh, lilipat na ako ng room. bukas talaga*. i was in a state of shock. this was the first time that it happened to me. for four years i have been staying in a dormitory, this was the most confronting incident i faced. i never went into war, much more vocal confronting war with a roommate. all more than 20 roommates i had and have and this was the first time i got this was the worst treatment i had so far, ever!

ok, if i was not a Christian... this would be my reply: *you know what, i have been in this dorm for 3 years now, and you... like just more than a semester and you had this kind of attitude. who are you anyway and who give you the right to just lambast people with your intolerant attitude? you cannot go far from this dormitory should that attitide persist. you are in a communal place man. here respect begets respect. but sorry, i lost ALL my repect towards you simply because of that incident. i pity you because only respect is the key for me to grant favors and requests from other people. and there are only two ways to make me show that respect. i must like(better yet, love) or fear you. surely fearing is out of the option, for i am a person of a meek but a palaban attitude. i let my pride down, but if it already asks for beyond more than my threshold, i fight back. that leaves only like as the key to make me respect you, but again because of that attitude, dream on! pack your things up, and transfer to another room. i would even glad to help you. let's see if you stay for quite a time. i advice you to better yet leave communal living if you expect people to respect you without you showing some respect!*

in tagalog, madali lang kasi akong kausap. in fact, many people say that i am good at it. you can talk with me many things including favors and requests. i mean instead of shouting, why won't you just say *can you guys please lower it down, i don't mean anything but i just cannot sleep*. if that was the case, well i would not waste a second and immediately grant your request. for crying out loud! that was our first night together as roommates, how in earth would i know that you cannot sleep with that petty disturbance without someone telling me, you know what you are that someone who should best tell me that your weaknesses when it comes to sleeping! transfer to other rooms and i do not know if you could survive. you are lucky since those bullish fratmen are no longer here else, sorry to say, but you would be always in the brink of becoming insane.

after the two of us asked forgiveness that night, he also said his sorries the afternoon the day after. this is where my problem is, i can easily forgive. i have no angst against him, no thought of revenge, or any malicious and malevolent ideas. but, i cannot easily forget. true indeed that to forgive & to forget are two different entities, but i really want to forget what happened so that we could talk and go on with our lives.

after many days of not talking with him, he called ny attention by saying in an irking manner *LG, ano ba talaga problema mo sa akin. sabihin mo na para malaman ko rin*. boy, this guy really does not know how to be more non-confronting. so, i retorted *i do not wish to talk to you right now. do not compel me, the memory is still fresh. i do not want emotions to rule over against logic. things might get bloodier and worse than the status quo. in time, maybe we can talk, but not now.*

pordat! we still do not talk even up to now. i cannot really forget that even. maybe because that was the worst thing that transpired so far. traumatic indeed! when i see his face, i forgive him. but the memories rushingly always come back and the feeling of NO respect to that guy replaces sympathy.

oh well, Lord i give up what happened. though i forgive, but i cannot forget. i know that i must strive to forget it, but i really cannot do it without You. please God, help me to forget this event so we can already talk and move on with You still on my side.

on moving on

2005-11-07T23:07:00.000+08:00

need to change the display template of my blog

2005-10-29T10:46:00.000+08:00

my blog is so not that *unique* :)

i just used a template to start something like this. oh well, i guess as time passes, i need to have a newer look for my blog. so, here we go to study NICE html stuff. hopefully, it can add attractiveness to my blog. after all, blogs refer and stand to a person's life. i have a unique and not a monotonous life. so, hopefully i can have my blog sort of reflect my character.

anyway, until here for now...

God bless :)

breaking conventions

2005-10-26T17:15:00.000+08:00

being a computer science student here in UP Diliman gave me a fright when i was still a freshie.

many people say, especially the upperclassmen, that surviving this course is like passing through a needle hole.

coming from a competitive high school in a local setting, many of my schoolmates have the attitude of achieving anything. i guess this syndrome, also infected me. i really did not care what would other people say. what i believe that is that everything will be a breeze if you just do your part plus a little of the talent. translation: 1% inspiration & 99% perspiration.

i could not forget my very first long exam here in UP. it was math17. because it was the very first, it is difficult to forget. this exam was where i had my esteem and theory boostered. man, this is UP! you are competing with valedictorians and salutatorians and the cream of the crops, not just in a local setting, but in the whole Philippines.

there, results were out. our instructor, Ms. Eclevia, said something like this: "here are your results. your highest is... (looking for the highest score) ... ano ba to? 96 lang?!" i personally was shocked, what did she mean by that. anyway, she gave the paper to the exam topnotcher... she called out the name... "uhmm... ....", she said. i was shocked, i mean that was my name! when i got my paper, i got 96% indeed! blood rush! i could not believe it. i was one of the three topnotchers of that exam. i mean, i really praised God and everything... but, the thought of being the highest went into my head. i thought that my level is at par with the best among the best. dreams were already floating in my head.

flash forward: many exams have been taken; flunking, passing, sometimes topnotching were the results... however, one could think that at the end, how did you fare? do you manage to graduate with honors and the like?

before my batch came into the picture, compsci was a course that everybody thought has a high mortality rate. meaning, undergrad students had in their minds of how to graduate, especially on time. but in our batch, it is more of i must graduate WITH honors! this already precludes the notion of just figuring how to graduate.

this is momentum change (or with the title, breaking conventions).

a lot of people, including some faculty of our department, have commented that our batch is GC (Grade Conscious). we are expecting 4-6 magna cum laudes and many, as in like i'm not kidding, floods of laudes. graduating people as of the last semester of batch 2002 ranges from 30-40 people. this is a far cry from only 16-22 average graduates of the cs program!

3 of my blockmates are leading the pack of magna standing. many also of my non-blockmates are laude standing. hence, this challenges many of my blockmates! i have one blockmate that, i think, is excreting blood, sweat, and tears just to get everything, as in like almost every remaining subjects, 1.0.

though i consider myself inherently an achiever, i must also aim to have everything 1.0, even if i do not land as any of the laude, assuming God allows me to indeed graduate on time with them.

i really did try to be competitive. this is also because of our environment. but however i try to put it, i cannot achieve that goal. there is always something that comes into the picture. there are times wherein i am on the fly, meaning landing for a 1.0, but suddenly i have to do something or just i all of a sudden becomes lazy. this ends in a depressing low grade, if not devastating results! recently, i expected to get five 1.0's out of 6. this is not ambitious, after all 4 of them are just *masteral* subjects. indeed, before the midterms i was on track. but suddenly, i fell very short, as in like very short even as low as 2.5; from 1.0 to 2.5 is very disappointing.

but looking back, i just praise God that he humbled me more than i could have ever imagined! He is really a faithful God because even during the times of humbling moments, He does not forget to extend His gracious hands. He could have let me go on alone, for i am really just a dirty rag unto His feet. but when i thought that everything was over and disaster was imenent, He goes to the rescue and saves the day. i really cannot forget the cs32 and cs155 moments among others. all praises should go to Him. even i was trying to survive my way out of those subjects, my blockmates are already relaxing with their 1.0's. i should feel *envy* or that kind, but thanks to Him, i am assured that i am already relaxing in His presence. indeed, i just always return back to the Scripture and say to myself: try not to conform to the standards of humanity (translation: envy), but just think that God has plans for you and everything has a reason (

i also just take on the comforting words that, grades just matter on the onset. after sometime, years maybe, they shall be superceded by experience and how you manage your career (i am abiding in Him in this arena). though that flood of laude graduates (40 to be not conservative) is a real threat when it comes to the job market, i shall continue to rely on Him and be my strength and comfort when everything seems to be not working well.

for now, i just think of finishing that remaining 15 units left. all are fresh subjects for me. no retakes or whatsoever. so please pray that i shall finish them all with God's grace.

thank you... God bless.

first post: anay attack!

2005-10-25T18:24:00.000+08:00

i'm really not into blogging and publicizing everything about the happenings in my life...

it just so happened that my mp3 player got *burned* when i inserted it in one of the workstations here in UP Computer Center, we are still doing our thesis even if it is sembreak.

good thing it has a 6months-warranty. so, i need to go back at my dorm (Molave Residence Hall) to ask for a permission so as to get my warranty receipt. i was easily allowed to go into my room. i thought everything was going well... but NO!!! when i opened my cabinet, i shrieked! my big carton was INFESTED with termites! i really did not know what to do; nevertheless, for some weird reasons, i did not panick.

i accidentally, broke one of my china and it got the attention of one of the maintenance there. i told her if by chance, someone could help me. she immediately called one of the manongs.

lo and behold, everyone was in my room! they were the ones who were going noisy about what happened. i just stayed and fixed my stuff quitely.

boy! this is what i hate doing as a dormer... fixing and packing my stuff.

moving on, the termites completely destroyed one-fourth of my stuff. this translates to 1/8 of my academic (and non-academic) life destroyed.

they also bite so painfully! now, i know why termites are called pest.

so there, my stuff are on the open above my bed, i do not know what shall happen to them. those are just clothes, pairs of shoes, electrical equipment like electric fan and broken TV, and the rest of the boring acad stuff.

i thought the other box (cathode-ray tube monitor container) was spared. but NO!!! they were eating it all from the inside. practically, the box is now useless. it has been transformed into anay edible home.

i then asked my dorm manager if i could place my monitor to her office. she said yes, then changed her mind to place it instead to our house parent's office. i can see through the former's eyes that she is not that willing for she also asked me "baka may anay yun". after i placed it above her table, i even saw her inspecting it since i was just out her door which has a glass window.

oh well, it seems that i just have to wait for november 3 or 7 to know what would happen to my stuff...

by for now, this is my first post - ever!

God bless... :)